So what do you want?  No start over.  I don’t want to hear about what your parents want, what your boss thinks you want, or what your kids and spouse want.   What is your “IT”?

You know. That raw natural talent you’re not using.  You DO know what I’m talking about, right? The “thing” that drives you. The same “thing” you’ve been ignoring. (Haven’t you? Be honest.)   You’re waking up everyday feeling unfulfilled, frustrated and confused.  But you don’t have to.

It’s like this.  Most people don’t know what they want.  Like you, they can all go on and on about what they don’t want but for some reason they can’t quite put their finger on that one thing that makes them tick.  So here’s your wake up call, stop wasting your time! Do you want to continue to live someone else’s dream or are you ready to finally remove the label of who you think you are and discover the real you?

Take Julia for example. Her “IT” was being a very successful career woman and fitting in with the guys she worked with.  She felt overwhelmed, frustrated, put off and those same feelings were showing up at this single mom’s home, especially in her relationship with her son. You see, since her youth Julia had been chasing dreams created for her by her father.  He lovingly guided her toward a career in math and science, “that’s where the money is,” he’d say.

Sound familiar?  Take a look around.  What loaded expectations and other B.S. have rubbed off on you over the years?  At what point did your “IT” get lost in the confusion?  And what are the ramifications for ignoring your natural talent?  Time to dig deep like Julia did and find your power.

Turns out Julia had gotten her “IT” all wrong.  What she really wanted was to be an artist but she gave it up to please her father.  Like many of us, she fell into the trap of trying to please others.  Subconsciously felt she could gain his love by following his guidance.

What Julia came to understand is that it’s ok to make your own choices.  So she did.  She pulled out a big box of easels and canvases she’d been hanging onto for years, signed up for art classes and formed some grand plans to sell her art in a beautiful gallery one day.

The best part was the incredible impact her transformation made on the rest of her life.  She found she was much more focused, relaxed and powerful at work.  Her work relationships fell into place much more easily.  She strengthened the relationship she had with her son and healed the relationship she had with her father.

Time for some digging.  Are you ready to take a good look around?  What did you want out of life before your Science teacher said you weren’t smart enough, before your mother said your dream would never amount to anything?

Change can feel uncomfortable at first. But so is living your unfulfilled life. It’s your choice whether you wake up or not. You can stop marching like a robot through your life and actually live it! When you finally let go of what you thought your “IT” was and fully experience your real “IT”, you will discover the power of having what you say, feel and do finally match up. Then … ahhh, clarity. And the best part, you will feel liberated finally knowing what you really want.

Many of us possess a strong fear.  Fear of failure, success, change, a loss of someone or something, becoming too powerful, being too weak being alone, being too happy and not being good enough.

The fear causes our hearts to pound and tension fills our body. We experience chills or we perspire.  Sleep won’t come, even though we’re exhausted.  And our mind is filled with the “talking heads.” Those voices that are so good at holding us back are also holding us down. We build theoretical stories that continue to grow out of proportion as we second-guess our own thoughts.

The difference between current and any future successes, and a stagnant lifeless existence is just one step. It’s your choice to take one step into the fear or one step back into a world of: “I can’t.”

The next time you feel fear coming over you, try these techniques:

1. Stop the Static: Close your eyes to outside stimulus.
2. Calm the Waters: Take 5 very slow, deep breaths. Be sure to get oxygen all the way down to your belly. Hold it. Then release it, very slowly and evenly. Imaging a gentle ocean wave coming over your mind and body and as it subsides back into the ocean, it pulls all of the tension out with it.
3. Emotional Time-Out: Imagine yourself looking down at yourself from a thirty-thousand foot level. You are simply observing and no longer participating in the process. Now, with pencil and paper in hand, start writing two lists:
   1. What will I gain if I step into my fear?  What pleasure will I feel?
   2. What will I lose if I stay stagnate?  How might it hurt me?

Not only does this process begin to clarify your thoughts, it takes you out of an emotional frame and into an intellectual frame of mind.

1. Choose Wisely: Examine your two lists and decide what action you choose to take. This is very important to understand. It is ultimately your choice!
2. Step into Your Fear: Once you’ve made your decision, start setting benchmarks and timelines for each of the steps necessary to accomplish your new goal.
3. Celebrate: When we face fear head-on we become more conscious of our motivation. Our confidence rises with each step, as we conquer the underlying force that intimidated us.  Our comfort zone begins to expand, as we are back in control of our life.

Yikes! And these people called themselves my friends!  It’s true, their comments could have taken me out of the game, or made me question myself and my capabilities.  But I knew a Secret. I knew how to take control of my own thoughts and feelings and remain unaffected by their small thinking.  And I know these techniques work. I was able to cut away the thoughts and feelings that were of no benefit to me or my growing success. I focused on what works. These techniques were instrumental in my reaching the position of owner of a $20 million construction company.

And, I didn’t get there because of my education or experience or “connections.”  I arrived there because I know something that you don’t.  I know when to stop believing, thinking, doing and feeling what isn’t true!

Are Your Friends Lame?

You say you want to achieve great things, accomplish more, and be #1 in your field.  Let me ask you a question.  What is holding you back?  Take a look around.  What do you see in your friends and in the people who surround you?  Are they successful or struggling, divorced or married, happy or unhappy?

Now take a good look at yourself.  I’m willing to bet there are some similarities.  Chances are, you are surrounded by people who are just like you. Am I right?

Well, it’s true.  When you surround yourself with people who are living beneath their potential, are unhappy and unsuccessful, chances are… you will be, too.  Imagine what you could accomplish if you were surrounded by people you admire, friends who support your goals and are mentors to your success.

What Kind of B.S. Are Your Friends Feeding You?

I’m not advising you to cut all ties with your lifelong friends or disown your family members.  I’m just telling you to recognize the B.S. when you see it, and guard yourself against negative associations.  The point is for you to seek out individuals who you can trust to advise you in the right way, and cut away the rest (with a smile, of course!).

Stop drinking the Kool-Aid that others are handing out! The first step is to become the boss of YOU.  Even though everyone else thinks it is their job to be your boss, I’ve got news for you… it’s not!  Take control, stop giving it away!  You are the director of your life.

This means taking control of your thoughts, beliefs and feelings about your money, relationships, career, etc.  Every self-sabotaging belief, every well-meaning (but crappy) piece of advice, every dream-squashing experience has to go.

Live YOUR Truth and No One Else’s

I teach my clients to harness the power of the unconscious mind.  That’s because the logical mind, when teamed up with your creative mind, can accelerate your innovation and success big time.  When you learn (and believe) that anything is possible that any goal is achievable.  You dramatically shift your beliefs from ordinary to extraordinary.  You no longer want to be “Top 10 good.”  You want that #1 spot.  You begin to recognize greatness in others and crave their company and influence.  You have a clean slate to re-write how you live your life.

Try these simple steps;

1. Seek out people you admire and who can support your goals and be mentors to your success.
2. Stop believing, thinking, doing and feeling what isn’t true.
3. Adopt this mantra: “Anything is possible and any goal achievable.”

Now is the time to start chipping away what’s weighing you down and dulling your progress, whether it’s a well-meaning friend or a negative self-belief.  With the weight lifted, will have the confidence, clarity and focus to accelerate your success.

About the Author:

Deborah Dubree is a professional coach, speaker, trainer and founder of ClearEdge LLC,e a resource for high achievers who want to reach incredible goals and then see how much further they can go. She worked her way up from receptionist to owner of a multi-million-dollar company and can show you how to do the same in your business.